The Bind: We worry about measuring up in the world, when in fact, it is we who disqualify ourselves all the time!
We base and qualify our fulfillment on conditions, circumstances, additional certifications, or acknowledgment and approval from others. Yet when others acknowledge us, we tend to negate the compliment or acknowledgment. And often, this is unconscious – we are not even aware that we are doing it.
The Universe will amplify what we believe. Whether it’s positive or negative.
How we Disqualify Ourselves:
- By comparing ourselves to others. Period.
- By using comparative qualifiers in our language –for example, I’ll work harder. I feel freer. I did better. I’ll spend more time doing… Using comparative words like this simply implies that you never arrive. There is always something more to be accomplished. It (and therefore, you) will never be enough.
- By comparing ourselves to an impossible measuring stick.
- By deflecting compliments and acknowledgment. Ever had someone tell you how nice you look and your response is something to the effect of “Gee, I’m actually having a bad hair day” or “I’ve had this outfit for years!” or “I could have done better…”
- By trying to meet someone else’s expectation of who we should be or how we should act.
- By looking for evidence of how we didn’t measure up.
- I was in a Facebook training for coaches. I was invited to do a live FB video to promote my offerings. The expert was walking us through a fellow coach’s FB page and looking at her videos. I clicked on the Video page on my FB page and found videos I recorded a year ago and had forgotten. Well, I had actually disqualified them (and me); thinking “Oh I’ve done videos, they didn’t work!” Well, imagine my surprise when I opened my videos and realized I had hundreds of views!!! I hadn’t even considered my influence!
The Fournier Formula: Be You! Love and Approve YOU!
Look for evidence of your brilliance and qualifications. Every day. In every way. Until you acknowledge yourself, you will never be open to receiving the acknowledgment from others that you crave. I believe that inside of every man and woman is a little boy or little girl looking for love and approval. (A subject for another time.) Start with you! Love and approve YOU! Right now, right where you are!
Upgrade your language. Notice your words. Eliminate the qualifier words in your vocabulary… more, better, almost. Take the ‘er’ off the end of your words.
Up-level your thoughts: You’re going to think (makeup) something about you anyway, so think (makeup) something great! Call yourself to a higher thinking.
Be You! Live your life your way – WITHOUT apology or explanation. The truth is that you don’t need permission from anyone outside of yourself. And the truth is you probably just really need to give yourself permission to be you. We don’t exist in this world to fit into molds that are created for us, whether by us or by others.
Receive and embrace compliments and acknowledgment of your greatness. Don’t scoff it off! This is part of the Law of Circulation! We tend to readily give to others – for abundance to come to us we also must be willing to receive. If you do not receive, you will cut off the flow! This works in the little things as well as the big things in life.
Stop comparing your backstage performance to someone else’s Facebook moment.
Lighten up – have fun!