The Bind: We hold on to the past. Someone hurt us, did us wrong, betrayed us…. or we hurt, betrayed, and disappointed ourselves. And then we tell the old story and play that old movie, over and over and over again. And for some reason, we just can’t seem to move past it.
Here Are Some Myths:
“I’ll never forget what you did to me!” Well, you might not forget, but the kicker is you certainly aren’t remembering it accurately either!
Remember the telephone game where people take turns whispering a message into the next person’s ear in line? By the time the last person speaks it out loud, the message has radically changed. It’s been altered with each retelling.
Turns out your memory is a lot like the telephone game. Studies show every time you remember an event from the past, your brain networks change in ways that can alter the later recall of the event. Thus, the next time you remember it, you might recall, not the original event, but what you remembered the previous time. And top that off with all the embellishments we add every time we tell the story so that we can maximize the effectiveness of how really wrong we were done! And now you also know why you and your family members are always arguing over what really happened at some of those early family events.
“If I could just go back, I would do it differently!” Wrong again! If you could go back, you would go back to the same awareness that you had back then and do it the exact same way! In fact, if you really stopped to think about it, you would do it differently because you had an awareness of the consequences after the event. So now, as you move forward in your life, if you had to do it all over, you would do it differently. And that my friend, is what we call ‘learning’.
The Fournier Formula:
“Once you replace the negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” -Willie Nelson
The truth will set you free! Whatever happened, happened. Period. You can NOT go back and change the past. Accept it. All suffering comes from not accepting what is (thank you for the reminder Jessica Jaramillo!). So, it happened. And, need I remind you, it happened in the past … therefore it’s over. Once you accept it (doesn’t mean you have to like it) you can begin to move forward.
Rewrite your story! The actual event that happened is neutral. It only has a charge on it because of the meaning, in other words, the story you make up about it. So go back to neutral. Rewrite that story from a place of personal empowerment. What did you learn? Who have you become (strong, courageous, loving, resilient) as a result of that event? What you have created as a result of overcoming is a pretty spectacular story that will inspire and move others. And given that you are reading this and didn’t die, you are an overcomer! You are the projector, operator, and director in your mind, so load a new movie – where you are the star and the hero/heroine! Read that story over and over.
A memory without charge is called wisdom.
Be informed by your past, not anchored to it! We all have a story, but we are not our story. We all have a history, but we are not our history! It doesn’t matter where you came from – it matters where you are going. That’s what you get to design.
Focus on what you want. While our brains are marvelous creatures, they focus on one thought and vibration at a time. You cannot focus on resentment and love at the same time. So since you are the one directing your Life Force, direct it toward what your heart desires. Stay focused on the positive. You bring about what you think about. And the two things that you can control in life are your thoughts and your passion.
Partner with what is Possible, not with what plagues you. Just imagine what you could create if you redirected the energy you spend defending your limiting story (anger and resentment) to living a life that makes your heart sing (joy and happiness)??? Breathe yourself into this moment, where there is no anger, resentment, and jealousy of the past, or any anxiety or worry of the future. This moment holds all possibility and the fullness of this experience that will never come again. Exploit the gift of the present. If you are going to make something up – make up something great about you and your life! You deserve it!